"It's not the winning...

...it's the taking apart." That was the theme of a 1990's era Nike Rugby campaign featuring England international Brian Moore. Rugby, like the fighting sports, demands an internal ferocity of some players, so I understood the idea at the time. I just didn't care for it much because I never needed to fabricate my internal desire to compete at my limit when I played the game (some 400+ times over 19 years).

                                         Brian Moore

Fast forward to last Saturday afternoon where I was utterly taken apart during full contact sparring in MMA class. Make no mistake, I love boxing, kickboxing, and full MMA work. But I worked with a guy who just had my number. It got so bad, I made the ultimate sparring mistake and starting closing my eyes every time I threw. I made little or no contact while getting jab-countered relentlessly. I even tried feinting my jab to draw his left so I could counter-straight over his left, then hook.  I got kicked in the head for my effort  because he didn't bite on my fake. Changed angles, stayed away from the power, changed levels. I had no answer. I just sucked.

I chalked it up to not having a good MMA class for several weeks and doing no bag work on my own outside of class. Valid reasons, but it didn't stop me from feeling sorry for myself after class. Ugh, I hate that! Bottom line: there's only two classes a week and I have to make both. I need to do bag work on my own. And for chrissakes, keep your fucking eyes open.

Couldn't Make Class Last Night

For reasons I pointed out in a couple of previous posts, I can't train in the dojo more than a couple times a week. It won't always be that way, but for now, I am responsible to my son and his pursuit of excellence. So how do I deal with that? Well. Right now it's Four O'clock in the Morning. I'm training. I'm 49. What's your excuse?

Quiet Confidence

My son is a baseball player.  He starts high school next fall and should very much be a leader there and beyond.  And I want very much for him to play in college.  So videos like this, well, I eat them up.  Because in them I see grown versions of my son, even while I still get to have him as a kid.  While this may seem off-topic (and so far I have yet to meet a grappler who gives a crap about baseball), listen to the themes here and tell me they don't apply to your training.

TCU Baseball 2011: Quiet Confidence from Red Productions on Vimeo.

The Hobbyist

I attended an extremely fun and valuable training session a couple of weekends ago. Our school vacated a saturday class schedule and welcomed BJJ players from 5 Rings Jiu Jitsu for a three hour school exchange and mega-roll. Coaches Foster (FBJJ) and Oberhue (5 Rings) taught and drilled the big room on a small suite of techniques focusing on separate "game" areas. Foster taught side control/bottom techniques and Oberhue some interesting standing guard pass concepts. And after drilling we rolled and rolled and rolled.

The vibe was super positive and tracked with a theme Oberhue spoke to: breaking down tribalism in BJJ teaching. Sharing was a key theme and so was the value of rolling with unfamiliar opponents. There was a lot of experience in the room, and many of our upper belts were visibly game for the opportunity. So much so that it took work as a white belt looking to get back-to-back rolls. In one case, one of my own schoolmates (a skilled purple belt with really sweet flexibility attributes), basically blew me off.

Now I know better than to have taken this situation personally, but I did. He reluctantly agreed to go only after I basically pursued him (he's bigger than me, and his flexibility poses an interesting challenge so why not?). But he went through me in an instant, tapped me as though to shed me and get on with 'real' training with an unfamiliar upper belt.

Again, I understand the zeal to train with guys from the other school; but the moment made me uncomfortable. That moment put me in my place in the school. I am hapless, unfit, a hobbyist. There is nothing I can offer such a partner in training, especially in the context of so many other unfamiliar partners available.

But overall it was a great experience, and I was able to meet Dan, another blogger who is now looking to turn his writing into something more serious (as has his BJJ now become). His story is dramatic to me, and his demeanor in view of his experience was so positive and inspiring. And not too ironically, Dan's blog has been known as "My Life as a White Belt. My life indeed.

Why I Don't Train Every Day

Thinking Bad Thoughts

Why do I suck?  Why did I go in for MMA class last night and not expect it was going to suck with only two other, completely new students in the class?  How did I get owned in posture and control drills by a guy who claims never to have wrestled or played any other grappling sport before?  Why the complete technique brain fart, dumbass?  Since when does everyone else feel so much stronger than me; I thought I was one of the "strong guys?"  Why do I feel so down on myself after making two classes and a private this week, and it's not even the end of week yet?

Going Private

As I've written here before, while I am every bit a white belt, I am no beginner.  I've been at the practice of Brazilian jiu jitsu for as much as a year or so at time, four times since 1996.  If I'd just stayed with it (and really, I couldn't have), I'd be giving private lessons now.  As opposed to taking them; as I did this past Sunday for the first time.

In the past, I was a roll-happy jock, just looking to wrestle and learn a few techniques while getting fit for other pursuits.  I was mostly disinterested in belt promotion which was helped along by the fact that I attended only two seminars since 1996 (Bob Bass and Juliano Prado).  And I never took a private lesson with a black belt.

This time around, I changed my mindset.  I want to experience the process of really becoming a grappler.  I have no ego in it, and don't see myself as ever being "good," just growing experienced and competent.  And promoted when appropriate.

To that end, I do keep a training journal and log the techniques we learn in class along with general notes on conditioning and experiences rolling.  And I signed on for a relatively valuable "one private per month" add-on to the membership fees at our gym.

The funny thing about my first private was that there was nothing private about it!  Coach had me out on the floor with another full class under way.  He retained the services of Elena, a wonderful blue belt, to help out as part grapple dummy, and part instructor.  A really great pedagogical ideal allowing Coach to instruct and demonstrate in ways that I would always be free to observe completely, or he free to observe me executing the few drills we worked.

And he left me with a single thought that I exercised last night.  We worked on preventing head control in side mount.  He taught me some framing I hadn't already learned innately.  To ingrain the teaching, he instructed me to start under side control in every roll I have this week.  I did so last night, and although I got thrashed by some skilled players, I gained a measure of comfort on bottom that I'd been lacking so far.

And so I add the experience of occasional private instruction.  Looking forward to more.

Don't you just hate it when

Is there anything worse for the intelligent BJJ student than not being able to execute the skills you drill in the first part of class when rolling in the second part of class? Tonight, we worked on sweep variants in side control. They made sense and drilling the primary technique close to 50 times really allowed me to pick apart my nascent flaws and memorize the tidy, valuable tidbits about positioning and grip. But when it came to rolling, the relict effects of my two-week lay off interfered with my earnest attempts to use the technique when I was under side control. I chose to roll with the big boys since I sort of am one. The guys with good pressure just eliminated my breathing despite my conscious relaxation and shallow rapid breaths under the squeeze. I just couldn't get enough air. Sucks. But I can't imagine how much worse I'd feel if I actually cared about getting tooled so hard.